The Phrase "How's it Going "

When used in the proper context, "How's it going" is an appropriate phrase for greeting someone. While this is socially acceptable it is also an over-used, inauthentic method of greeting. I find we too often use this phrase without actually meaning what we say.

An authentic greeting is supposed to express a honesty that is shared when two parties meet. Unfortunately, this phrase has been much abused and is, in many cases, an easy way to escape a moment social awkwardness at initial encounter. In the event that you do get an answer it is usually one of the the classic, socially acceptable, answers like "fine," "good," or maybe even "great." Consider going to church: have we all had a splendid week? is everything fine and dandy? Where has our true and real communication gone? There is such a thing called "social grace," but I believe we have mistaken social grace with authentic communication.

Recently I overheard a brief conversation between two co-workers. To understand the story you must know that one co-worker only asks a question for on of two purposes; first, to initiate a conversation in order that he could tell you something, or second, to say some sort of sarcastic or smart-ass remark. The conversation was very short, but says tons about our society. It went like this:

"John ... how are you doing?"
"What do you want Steve?, because you really don't care how I'm doing"
-Steve walked away without a response.

Now, John's response seems a little harsh but it gets the point across well. This exact situation might also explain why many people do not even repond to this question. In many cases we can see through the question and notice that the questioner doesn't really want to know to answer nor is prepared to listen if the answer is a negative one.

I do not want to suggest that we spill our feelings to everyone that we come into contact with, but I do want to stress the importance of authentic communication. God designed us to have different types of relationships throughout our lives, some being far deeper then others. One being companionship, others being close friends, friends, and some aquaintances. None or these alone can completely satisfy our social lives, but together they make it whole.

Social grace is not the ability to talk to anybody easily. Social grace is the ability speak authentically when in contact with people from all different levels of intimacy. Greet people with respect. Respect includes asking real questions as well as listening with an open mind and ear when their answer should come about. Here are three things that will help with authentic communication.

There are a three basic things that make up true communication. The first one I want to mention is Physical contact. There are a few ways to achieve this and they range from a kiss or Holy kiss to a hug or firm handshake. Physical human contact is something you must go out of your way to accomplish. This is a subconscious and simple means way to show authenticity in you greeting.

My next comment may be harder for some then others. You must spend more time listening then talking. If you listen to people, who are relatively open, long enough, you will notice most people have a lot of things to say and would appreciate nothing more then for you to just listen. It is a humbling and great experience to put someone else before yourself.

The last part of face to face cummunication that I want to mention is the actual words you speak. Do not use slang. Slang words, cursing, and swear words are so broad that they lack meaning. When you speak, use words that accurately discribe how you feel and what you want to say. Ask questions to further the conversation. Dig deeper. When you are not sure about motive behind a statement, ask about it.

Relationships are a gift from God which take time, effort, and cultivating. We must exercise this gift and give thanks and glorfy God through our relationships while here on earth.